i get to a point where i think “if i don’t buy food i can save my money.” and then i realize it’s the third day and its harder than the first two days, and that if i want to make it til the end of my shift i might have to spend money.
Don’t forget to tell me how I’m not trying, let me know how lazy I’ve gotten. If I stand please point out my posture. I love hearing you talk about how stagnant I’ve become, especially since you tell me I can’t move out until you find a job. Please let me know how smoking pot is ruining my life, how IM going no where. Please tell me where it is I’m supposed to be going. Please tell me how I’m letting you down, not meeting your expectations, tell me. Please inform me of every mistake I make because to be honest, Because this year hasn’t been hard enough, because I don’t spend enough time thinking these things for myself. I shouldn’t be smiling still. Please smear the smile away, because I haven’t earned it, I don’t deserve it. With the way I waste myself, all I should need is lecture. To be reminded of how all the bad is my fault. I’m broken, but it’s my fault, for loving the wrong things, spending time in the wrong places. I should have spent that time working at a job I didn’t want. I should have quit smoking weed then I’d still be on top of the world. I should get the jobs other people want me to have. I should only focus on becoming more profitable, then more people would find me attractive.